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Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
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10:20 pm - I lied!
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After being pressed for hours by the secret service about the above picture of Gee Double-Yew. I have relented and admitted to the fact that it was a hoax.
He is in fact the most free and just man alive.
current mood: Sullen
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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10:00 pm - THIS is worthy of posting!
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It turns out that Dubya isn't as trustworthy as we all thought!
It is evident in this photgraph that he has been hiding behind his BEARD!
He must hate freedom more than anyone!
Signed, respectfully
Jonah
current mood:  anxious
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, May 28th, 2001
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9:52 pm
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9:31 pm
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| Monday, May 21st, 2001
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6:54 pm - Viva Pakistan?
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The following is a segment of What's Up Doc?: The Life and Times of Dr. Jonah Gray written by Cleophus Kingsley Phd.
After his dramatic expulsion from Oxford university in England Dr. Gray threw himself into the midst of Pakistan in what he claimed at the time was a sort of "penance" for himself. Three years later he surfaced as the leader of a rebel group of Pakistani nationalists that called themselves the "NCoPLeFT" [Natural Countrymen of Pakistan Legion who are Freed through Togetherness]. It appeared that he had shed his racist past and banded with rural goat farmers who shared one goal, to free themselves of their oppressors.
Dr. Gray was naturally scarred when the Legion was disbanded forcefully by government agents.
He was the only survivor.
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, May 19th, 2001
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7:12 pm - Ball Grabbing on an International Scale in a Study on Population Growth
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These selections have been excerpted from Dr. Gray's thesis from Oxford:
I've found that through imbibing extreme amounts of LSD laced Guiness beer that one can transcend linear thought. When we can escape these worldly shackles we are set free to float above the cities where we live, and can sit in the clouds and eat the fruits of the gods [of course this is not to be taken literally]. Float, float, float. You PAKKI we'll scream!
Dr. Gray was expelled from Oxford before he recieved his diploma when it became publicized that he had spoken at an Anti Pakistani rally.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 10th, 2001
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11:21 pm
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| Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
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11:42 pm
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| Monday, May 7th, 2001
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1:04 pm - Falsity Reigns Supreme
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"-Anyone who thinks that they are doing something original or ever will is living in a world of denial. In order to find your own sensibilities in art you must copy others."
This quote is excerpted from The Diaries of a Doctor on the Road: In Practice and Prejudice by Doctor Jonah Gray PhD.
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(comment on this)
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12:35 am - Homophones, Telephobes and Angels Making a Landing in New Mexico
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The travelling Doctor has telephoned the Associated Press Headquarters in New York in a very sober mood. He stated that as his calculations had confirmed an angel did visit the planet earth, only it wasn't Mount Kilimanjaro that it visited - where he was awaiting it's arrival - instead it made a pass over New Mexico, USA.
Here is a stock photo of the doctor.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, May 4th, 2001
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1:05 am - Cryptic Renderings from Our Man on the Sattellite Reciever
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The following is an exact transcription of a call our correspondant in deep dark Africa recieved via sattellite phone earlier on today.
"[signal distortion and fuzz] -Ello? [more distortion] Weak sign ... Am awaiting angel[?] and ... -ight be interested ... -esert Island
... -ive books: [distortion] ... -Urt Vonnegut[*] ... Mordechai Richler ... [distortion] FUCK MOVIES! Fuck whoever came up with that question, how am I to choose?! ... -ive seedees [?] -Ite Album[?] ... Dark Side ... -the [?]oon ... BEETHOVEN ... -rase land[?]
After a point the words became to garbled to understand. This call is thought to have been the Doctor's last will and testament, but critics say that perhaps it has a more heavenly meaning, citing the first part ("Am awaiting angel") as the beginning of a sermon.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 3rd, 2001
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2:21 pm - Alien sightings? Cribbage games?
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The twisted but short search for Doctor Jonah Gray has come to an end. At two thirty this morning, the head office of the Associated Press recieved a wire originating from the continent of Africa. Apparently a goat herd who gets his news headlines from a wireless connection on his laptop computer had a brush with the doctor and his caravan as they were headed to Mount Kilimanjaro "...To witness the awesome and terrible destruction of the world." No more is known about the Doctor and his trek to the great mountain, but it is suspected that he has come into contact with a batch of high-potency drugs that will take "weeks" to wear off, according to his close advisor and confidant Collin Crowe.
We will keep you posted.
-Jason Brambley (AP)
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, May 2nd, 2001
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1:10 pm - With leftism on the rise what will happen to the right?
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A scheduled seminar about the use of drugs, and their effects has been cancelled due to world renowned expert Dr. Jonah Gray's being "Indisposed" at this time.
While rumours have been flung around that the Doctor has now left "Happy Valley", the rehabilitation facility that he has been attending in New Mexico, to partake in a solar-powered automobile race across the continent of Africa. Most speculators are willing to gamble that he is playing billiards in a drug induced stupour somewhere in middle america.
The stories may be wild and far flung, but Doctor Gray, a known iconoclast, has in past appeared in both of the above situations before at the most surprising times. One of the most notable of his dissapearing acts was at a nuclear disarmament rally and conference where he was to be the key note speaker; He escaped his highly guarded hotel room with two of the maids from the hotel and a case of their finest champagne.
Until next time this is Jason Brambley of the Associated Press.
If you think you may know the whereabouts of the boisterous doctor then please post here. Thanks Ed.
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| Tuesday, May 1st, 2001
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1:07 am - The Exceptions!
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Musical Underground, May 1st, 2001, 5:13 PM: Thrown together by viscious and magical forces, Victoria band The Exceptions! sheds new light on old favourites such as Be True to Your School.
Do high speed lifestyles and drugs play a part in this post-rock'n'roll band's gutsy interpretations of the classics? Headman Stu Exception claims "We don't let business and pleasure mix," and for this high strung band the 'business' is making music.
Religion plays a big part in both this band's repertoire, and in their everyday life. But the writings to which they subscribe won't get them played on your local 'Praise FM' channel. In this religion the pope is Jimi Hendrix, and the Arch Bishop is Chuck Berry; This is the Church of Rock'n'Roll.
Catch them at the Reynolds Highschool talent show!
-Jason Brambley (AP)
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| Sunday, April 29th, 2001
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1:58 pm - Do you feel like I do?
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Metchosin, 12:00 AM, 2001: Dr. Jonah Gray has been found face down in a ditch, unconscious due to severe alcohol poisoning. In a press conference held this afternoon by his financial advisor and close consort Collin Crowe, it was stated that he is in stable condition and listening to Peter Frampton. Mr. Crowe explained that this episode was almost definitely brought on by the extreme anxiety and stress that the Doctor has been going through as he attends rehabilitation classes. An hospital insider quoted the drug-addled doctor as having said "My name is Wakefield... No noNO! I'm fine, go away!" A scheduled press conference for tommorow will no doubt address concerns about the Doctor's well being, and his bankruptcy.
-Jason Brambley (AP)
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1:02 am - Nagasaki-wiggy-wakki-woo
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Okay everybody hear this:
"Lanky youngster Jonah Gray the title role. He is a perfect Winslow Boy - shy, preoccupied with anything but the seriousness of what his family is going through trying to defend him and yet able to turn on the emotional jets (evident in a grilling given him by Robert Adam as legendary barrister Sir Robert Morton. It's the play's best scene.)"
- David Lennam (Victoria News Group)
Yup yup yup yup yup nice flower.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 27th, 2001
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1:34 am - The Gradual and Steady Degredation of Society and its Mores
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This is likely to be the first of what will become a series of interesting, inciteful and subtle entries to Livejournal.com by Dr. Jonah Gray.
The Doctor was reached by telephone at his hideout in the wilds of Metchosin BC, and had this to say about Livejournal.com: "Well, what can I say? The bastard dogs have finally beaten me! I will try to to bear this burden with both my usual fortitude, and a the heavy of over-the-counter headache medicines. I hope this will be a long lasting and friendly relationship?". In true Gray fashion he claims that rehab has been treating him well "Except?" he adds "When they give me coffee when I ask for a drink."
It is interesting to note that Dr. Gray and his close personal financial advisor Collin Crowe have been outspoken /against/ Livejournal.com and its clientelle, and have publicly denounced the notion that people would post their innermost thoughts on the internet. Maybe rehab has induced a change of heart in the world renowned Doctor.
-/Jason Brambley/ (AP)
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
yardburd's journal
